Barangay Ayala Alabang Bans Earthquakes

(Muntinlupa) In light of the devastation caused by earthquakes and resulting tsunami in Japan, the Sanggunian Barangay of Ayala Alabang has passed an ordinance banning earthquakes in its area.

Barangay Ordinance No. 2 of 2011, or ‘An Ordinance Banning Earthquakes and Tsunamis Within the Territorial Jursidiction of Barangay Ayala Alabang’ passed in an emergency barangay council meeting unanimously last Saturday.

“We think we have a winner here,” said kagawad Ghani Naglingkod of the ordinance, “I don’t see how anyone could question that earthquakes are bad and that they hurt people. I am glad we passed this ordinance because after our first attempt at making one this year everyone seems to think we’re stupid.”

Naglingkod is referring to the incident involving an earlier ordinance passed by the barangay banning the sale of contraceptives without a prescription within its territorial limits which drew negative reactions from numerous groups.

“I can personally vouch for our barangay officials,” said another kagawad Felimon Pagmintuan II, “We aren’t stupid. We just believe everyone should live their lives according to what we believe is right or wrong… and earthquakes… are wrong.”

The new ordinance explicitly prohibits any seismic activity with moment magnitudes exceeding 3. Section 4 of the ordinance also has provisions banning tsunamis and other associated destructive forces from entering the barangay’s jurisdiction.

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98 thoughts on “Barangay Ayala Alabang Bans Earthquakes

    1. @benj: pls confirm kung puwede. kailangan ko talaga ng lindol pero ayoko namang ipuslit sa loob ng barangay baka mahuli ako at mapahiya pa ang family ko.

  1. Yeah right. You can’t ban earthquakes because they can strike anytime they wish and without warning.

      1. I move that ignorance and stupidity be banned from all fora in physical, digital, or cyber form.
        All those in favor of this motion say “Bansai.”

    1. “Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)” Washington Post August 2, 1998, Style.

  2. Paano po kumuha ng visa sa Republic Of Ayala Alabang? Gusto ko po doon, bawal ang lindol at tsunami. (How do I get visa to Republic Of Ayala Alabang? I like it there, earthquake and tsunami are probhibited.)

  3. @Baldomero Paelmo Bejosano, to get a Visa to the Republic of Ayala Alabang, you need only show proof that your IQ is below 40. If your IQ is below 20 then welcome, you are entitled to be a resident. BUT if your IQ is below 10, then my my Mr President. Ikaw na! Hahahahaha

    AAV residents, it’s a joke. OK?! Cause you people, so so funny

  4. SERIOUSLY. Ban earthquakes? That’s hilarious, really. We live within the Pacific Ring of Fire. And you’re asking to ban earthquakes in a place where these things frequently occur? That’s stupid.

    According to the USGS website http://earthquake.usgs.gov/learn/topics/megaqk_facts_fantasy.php:

    “People can stop earthquakes
    FICTION: We cannot prevent earthquakes from happening (or stop them once they’ve started). However, we can significantly mitigate their effects by characterizing the hazard (e.g., identifying earthquake faults, unconsolidated sediment likely to amplify earthquake waves, and unstable land prone to sliding or liquefying during strong shaking), building safer structures, and preparing in advance by taking preventative measures and knowing how to respond.”

    Rather than banning earthquakes, why don’t you guys just work on being prepared whenever there’ll be one?

    1. why take it seriously when all of this is a joke? you can clearly see it just below the title (“In Fake News”). This is just to mock the barangay officials of AAV.

      1. What’s hilarious is your spelling. :)) I didn’t know that the site was about shit and stuff, so yeah. :p But if it were true, damn right, that’s all that I gotta say right there. :))

      1. this fake news. :)) Sorry, but I didn’t know what the site was about and just thought it was all real, so I had a comment down below that I had a wow mali moment. πŸ˜‰ Sorry for that. But it would be funny if this news were really true. LOL. :))

      2. I think the thing is, AAV is so freaking absurd in the eyes of everyone right now that news like this seems to actually plausibly be from them.

  5. Goodness. They must be making ordinances while high or something. Meetings and pot sessions really don’t go together.

  6. Ayos!! Wahahaha! Apir tayo jan mga parekoy! Kaso lang natural disaster sya eh kahit anung ordinansa pa yan di nyo mapipigilan yan! Anyway good job trying but its pretty hilarious though!

  7. anak ng! lilipat na ako dyan, bawal pala earthquakes and tsunami eh! HA HA! sana yung barangay officials din sa pque would pass this law para naman “safe” din kami, kainggit! :))

    anyway, mukang nakahithit ata ng Jeffreys tong mga toh habang nasa meeting. :))

  8. tay tayo dyan, goodluck na lang kung paano nila ipapasok sa kulungan ang “mother nature” wahahahahahahah! πŸ˜€

  9. Ayala Alabang is now the safest town in Metro Manila. Lilipat na ako diyan. At least dito pwedeng pagalitan si inang kalikasan. Taob ibang bansa dito.

  10. “The new ordinance explicitly prohibits any seismic activity with moment magnitudes exceeding 3.”

    Erratum: This should be “intensity 3” not magnitude 3. Even so, they’ve set the limit a notch too high: dapat 2 ang limit kasi lumalangitngit na ang mga kama sa 3.

  11. Hay nako. Just when I thought wala nang tatanga pa sa AAV board, I realized that at least 5 commenters have taken this article seriously. Satire-win + comprehension-fail = facepalm.

  12. HAHA ano ba mga guys, the commenters are being sarcastic,too. nakakatawa you guys are taking this article too seriously!

    For The Maligno Sentinel: great post dude, tawa ako ng tawa dito :))))

  13. ROFLMAO, I can’t believe they even thought of something like that. I mean C’mon now that’s just plain retarded. hahaha

  14. Whaaahh! Ang kulet ng post na to. Sana gagawa din sila ng Brgy. Ordinance na bawal ang End of the World

  15. ok lang ba sila, totoo ba ito? nung una condom pinagbawal nila? anu yun oo na lang ng oo ang tao sa lahat ng gustong gawin ng mga 8-16 na kagawad? bilang representasyon ng daang libong mamayan?

    ano ito? bow na lang ng bow sa kung ano sabihin ng mga taong nagkaron ng karapatan na gumawa ng batas, na hindi naman nila alam kung ano yung pinaggagawa nila

    sori ha, put&!!()_+@#3$$ na yan , sana hindi na lang tayo nag-aral na lang lahat, para kung bobo tayo eh bow na lang tayo ng bow sa kahit nung sabihin

    kaya kayo magtanda kayo sa pagboto ng mga ganyan, magdusa kayo na bumoto ng mga ganyan klaseng tao … akala nio ganyan lang ang power ng kagawad at konsehal, pag gumawa ng batas yan na palpak … apektado lahat, higit sa lahat gagawa yan ng batas na wala naman silang alam tungkol sa mga batas na yun … at hindi kinokunsulta sa taumbayan sila sila lang …

    mayrun pa nga dian, gagawa ng batas at regulasyon sa computer at internet, eh putsa, ni tanungin mo yung mga gumawa ni hindi humahawak ng keyboard at mouse, di ba nakakatawa

    dapat ONCE in for all, ipagbawal ng DILG ang mga gumagawa ng batas na gumawa ng batas kung hindi sila knowledgeable sa batas na gagawa nila

    tulad nian, gawa ba ng matinong legislation yan ang mag-aprub na ipagbawal ang tsunami at lindol …

    ok lang kayo … bakit walang ginagawang aksiyon ang DILG laban sa mga gumawa ng ordinansa na yan … nakakatawa na nakakahiya pa tayo …

    akala nio nakakatawa lang, hindi po, kahihiyan natin yan, kasi ginawa nilang ordinansa, anu na lang sabihin ng ibang bansa sa mga kamangmangan na yan ..

    you find this funny? sinisira nila ang imahe ng alabang … sana ipakita ang mukha nila sa TV na gumawa ng mga ordinansa na yan, ang ordinansa with matching signature at pictures ng lahat ng gumawa para husgahan ng taumbayan …

    tulad ko, my wife unfortunately is Hepa B positive, pero ng dahil sa condom, ay negative ako for around 6 years na … sa tingin nio ba kung sumunod ako sa simbahan at sa pinagsasabi ng ordinansa na ito eh hindi ako masasagip ang sarili ko sa matinding karamdaman … this has to stop … once in for all

  16. Kadadaan ko lang kanina sa may Muntinlupa, pero parang ‘di ko napansin yung AAV. Siguro nasa warp zone na nya. Hahaha.

  17. Good job AAV! Kudos to you and your awesome ideas! Keep up the good work. I don’t see how anybody could ever see you wrong for doing this.

    Note and spoilers!

    Why are some of the comments terribly fail 😦 *facepalm*

    PEOPLE IT’S A JOKE! A SATIRE! Google it if you don’t get it.

    Oh wait… On second thought don’t! It’s hilarious watching people mess up πŸ™‚

  18. Who are those barangay kagawad’s who have a brilliant mind who made that very idiot and very crazy ordinance? do you think anybody can bring earthquakes and tsunami’s in their barangay? and even think of having tsunami or earthquake in their place, I think no one will dream of those.

  19. Ang pagkakaalam ko ang mga nakatira sa ayala alabang ay yung mga mayayaman at matatalino pero napansin ko ang mga ginawa nilang ordinansa ay daig pa ng ginawa ng mga tanga at bobo.

    1. may tama ka…as in ur not in your right mind hahaha…joke nga eh, di nagbasa, fake news po ito….:p

  20. Why do you even believe this… never mind. Eschew sarcasm sige.

    Benta mo nakakainis! 1) for making this very Swiftian ironic piece and 2) attracting people with no sense of sarcasm whatsoever to post here

  21. hahahahaha! Nababaliw na ang Sangguniang Baranggay… ikulong sa Mental! Parang tanga lang (actually tanga naman talaga)… isang malaking kahangalan!

  22. There’s been a revision to the ordinance, wink, wink. Because Fr. Bernas says they cannot use law covering pharmacies selling without prescription, they have revised ordinance so that, instead, they use anti-fencing law as legal basis. So now, it is illegal to sell, give away, distribute stolen and/or used condoms because such acts violate the anti-fencing law. These people, talagang mapara-an para ipilit ang gusto nila.

  23. Tignan mo nga naman ang mga inaatupag ng baranggay. pati si inang kalikasan tinatakot. Susunod nyan bagyo at baha na ipag babawal nila

  24. WINNER!

    PERO MAS WINNER YUNG MGA TAONG NAG-REACT AT NAG-AKALANG TOTOO LAHAT NG NAKASULAT SA FAKE NEWS.

    dapat i-ban sa mga blog sites ang mga taong NAGBABASA PERO DI NAKAKAINTINDI! AHAHAHAHA!

  25. Parang mas nag eenjoy ako bumasa ng comments rather than the article itself :p

    IT TAKES A SMART PERSON TO GET SARCASM. πŸ˜€

  26. We alloted 3,00000,0000,00000,00000, US dollars to buy all the Earthquakes and Tsunamis in the world to be used against terrorist countires

  27. I have a comment on the banning earthquake. Listen Readers,this people in Alabang knows what they are doing and saying. Dont be fooled with media…Is the tsunami from Japan man made or Gods…How many people read and pray for enlightment. I heard there are people working below us-I mean engineers,oil miners,politicians,rich people,one world leaders looking for another city,making tunnel,etc and this can rock the creation of the world and cause to shake and unbalanced. Did you remember when God promised Noah not to give another big flood? Again my friends cousin said he took an elevator which is 5thousand miles from sea level,did youo hear the long tunnel from Russia to Cananda and also the big city beneath China? I know these are heresays until we get evidence but its possible. Through scalar energy discovered by Nicolai Tesla a hundred years ago ,itsi being used for laser, nuclear, starting a hurricane and who knows what else it does. Theres one good thing the energy does for me and among 200 million others, the fusion excel product to maintain my health and it is regulated safe frequencies for customers. More power to Ayala Alabang residents. You know what you are doing and I m glad to hear there are people like you.I feel like your place would be a good place to retire -God fearing people.

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