DENR Begins Jejemon Conservation Program

(Puerto Princesa) Despite its admitted initial reluctance, the Department of Environment and Natural Resources has finally caved to public demand that jejemons be herded into a nature preserve in Palawan.

The measure came in response to a report published by NatureServe citing a sharp decline in jejemon numbers from over 30,000 in 2009 to less than 1,000 in 2010.

“If the jejemon population has really been reduced to less than a thousand the DENR has no choice but to carry out conservation procedures befitting their G1 (Critically Imperiled) status,” said Pablo Domingo of the Protected Areas and Wildlife Management Bureau.

“This is our duty despite the earnest desire of most of us to see the species go extinct,” he continued under his breath.

Meanwhile experts are still at odds as to the main reason behind the alarming decline in jejemon numbers but a few theories have been put forth.

Jeje Fragmentation, for instance, suggests that the continuous fragmentation of the jeje dialect into subdialects that further divide into more subdialects has led to a crisis of communication between jejemons which has effectively prevented them from seeking out mates and reproducing.

Another theory posits that jejemons have simply become more vulnerable to their natural predators, namely the rest of society, as they grew more and more annoying. Reports of jejemon hunting parties have increased in the past year as jejecaps have become a prized trophy for jejehunters.

“The problem isn’t that we can’t find reasons why they’re going extinct; the problem is that we can’t figure out which of dozens is causing it the most,” said Professor Pilato Dilag of the UP Sociology Department.

The 1,000 hectare nature preserve allotted for their conservation in Palawan promises to keep the jejemons safe from society while allowing them to regrow their numbers.

A representative from the first batch of jejemons to be herded in had this to say:

“m4$4y4 k~m1 n m3r0n k~m1n6 p74c3 p3r0 m4r4m1 $4 4m1n 4n6 nD1 m4k~b171 n6 704D D2.”

No attempt has been made to decipher his message.

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3 thoughts on “DENR Begins Jejemon Conservation Program

  1. You know what, I think I’ve deciphered the code. I believe that there is a jejemon inside of each and everyone of us. M46 r3r3ta173r akwo n6 7o4D Dun.

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