Pulse Asia Least Trustworthy Entity in the Universe According to AFP Survey

(Manila) The Armed Forces of the Philippines released today the results of a survey showing that Pulse Asia was the “least trustworthy polling body in the universe” according to public opinion.

The AFP survey comes less than a week after a Pulse Asia survey found that the AFP was perceived by the public as the most corrupt government agency. The AFP has denied any connection between the two surveys.

“Just a coincidence,” said Colonel Ramon de Juan of the AFP Public Information Office. “We’ve been working on our survey for five years.”

The AFP study claims to have surveyed over twelve respondents, randomly selected from personnel at the AFP Public Information Office. In the survey’s media release report the survey shows that 11 out of the 12 respondents strongly agreed that Pulse Asia is the least trustworthy polling body in the universe while the other 1 out 12 merely agreed.
Interestingly, the AFP study ends with an untrustworthiness index ranking 100 untrustworthy entities from all across the universe. Pulse Asia ranked first, making it the most untrustworthy in public opinion or most likely to deceive and “make stupid, lying surveys.”

Other notable entities include: Satan, the Morningstar ranked 2nd; Imelda Marcos ranked 5th; Social Weather Stations ranked 7th; Heidi Mendoza ranked 14th; Pedro Paterno ranked 26th; Bill Clinton ranked 54th; Dan Brown ranked 61st; Victor Lustig ranked 72nd; Charles Ponzi ranked 81st; Richard Nixon 92nd and Bernie Madoff ranked 93rd.

“Between the two surveys, honestly and objectively, I would believe ours,” continued de Juan. “The AFP has the integrity, training, objectivity, and firepower to make surveys tell the version of the truth that we most approve of.”

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