Hetty: Jollibee Paid CBCP to Denounce McDonald’s Ad

(Jollitown) A few days after hamburger fast food giant McDonald’s pulled out a controversial but adorable advert at the behest of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP),  a source from rival company Jollibee now claims that her boss, Jollibee, was behind the entire affair.

“I wanted to pretend it never happened,” said Hetty, Cheerleader and Vice President for Spaghetti Affairs at Jollitown, “but my conscience couldn’t take it. We paid them in buckets of Chickenjoy… they even wanted an extra bucket full of just Chickenjoy skin.”

Hetty an influential member of Jollibee since 1984 had been rumored to be Jollibee’s on and off girlfriend for two decades until Jollibee was romantically linked to rival company mascot Birdie the Early Bird from McDonald’s in 2006.

“Hetty is obviously angry and will say anything to hurt me but her claims are absolutely untrue. I hope she and I can work this through; I would hate for something to happen to her hair…” said Jollibee in a statement released through his personal blog.

Meanwhile McDonald’s mainstay Grimace expressed concern over the affair.

“This explains a lot. The ad was incredibly cute and only an idiot could find it offensive. I don’t know what’s more troubling… that the CBCP took the bribes or that Chickenjoy is that delicious.” said Grimace in an interview over DZXX.

The controversial but adorable ad shows a young girl asking a young boy if she was his girlfriend. The boy says that he isn’t ready and goes on a rant about women and how demanding they are at which point the girl explains she only wants fries. The boy digs into his pocket and ends up buying her the fries and the ad ends with the two walking as the boy reaches for the girl’s hand.

“We can at least credit the CBCP with consistency. They seem to insist on attacking with rabid insanity things that are sensible and reasonable while ignoring the glaring injustices and and more pressing ills our country is facing.” said Professor Pedro Abrigo of the Philippine National State University of the Philippines.

“As for Grimace… none of us at PNSUP still have any idea what the hell he is.” continued Abrigo.

The CBCP is yet to comment on the allegation brought forth by Hetty but its fans have already expressed great anticipation over what it will do next.

“It’s exciting how the CBCP is so badass these days! Who knows who or what they’ll attack next? Maybe they’ll attack P-NOY… maybe they’ll attack feminine pads… maybe they’ll attack babies! Who knows? It’s so exciting!” said Arthur Yan, President of the CBCP Seculars and Non-Catholics Fan Club.

Related News:

CBCP Survey Says 9 of 10 Filipinos Oppose RH Bill

Holy Spirit Suspected of Sabotaging RH Bill Plenary Debates

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