DOT Announces Campaign to Make PHL the Global Center for Convict Tourism

Unveils plans for new convict tourist destination: The New New Bilibid Prison on Panglao Island.

(Manila) While the Department of Justice (DOJ) and the Bureau of Corrections deal with the consequences of former Batangas Governor Jose Antonio Leviste’s illegal trips outside the premises of the New Bilibid Prison, the Department of Tourism (DOT) has already made moves to make the most out of the situation.

The DOT announced early Thursday morning its new campaign which will see the that Philippines becomes the center of convict tourism in the world.

“Our country is the perfect place for criminals and convicts. In the Philippines a person who has been convicted of plunder can run for the presidency. A former president who killed thousands of Filipinos and stole billions of pesos is celebrated and can even be buried as a hero!” DOT Director for Special Campaigns Pilar Enriquez told reporters.

“The message is simple: if you’re a convict or a criminal and you have money we will treat you right!” the DOT director added.

The director was most likely alluding to former presidents Joseph Estrada and Ferdinand Marcos respectively.

Estrada was convicted of plunder in 2007 but subsequently released after former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo granted him executive clemency the same year. He lived under house arrest in a luxurious vacation home during the trial and after his conviction.

Marcos allegedly imprisoned, tortured and killed thousands of Filipinos and allegedly stole billions of public funds during a 21-year regime which saw the country plunge into compounded economic crises that continue to haunt Filipinos today. A current resolution in the House of Representatives has proposed the dictator be buried at the ‘Libingan ng mga Bayani,’ the national cemetery reserved only for heroes, martyrs and military personnel.

In honor of Estrada the DOT has announced its ‘Erap Presidential Package’ which promises to give convict tourists the same atrocious accommodations that former president had while he was incarcerated in a vacation home.

The DOT has also announced the ‘Ivler Treatment’ and the ‘Leviste Health Cruise’ both of which will be hosted by the New New Bilibid Prison facility currently being constructed on Panglao Island in Bohol.

“The New New Bilibid Prison will be the most luxurious prison facility in the world. Most importantly, it will only be accessible to a select few, a special kind of clientele. It’s not enough for you to be rich to get a reservation… although you do have to be rich… but you have to be badass too. Maybe depraved enough to kill a person or two, rape a virgin or eat your neighbor’s corpse.” Enriquez explained.

Enriquez was quick to point out that inviting criminals and convicts into the country will not cause a security threat to peace and order because only the rich and affluent will be treated cordially.

“Criminals and convicts without money will be treated just like any other Filipino convict without money so they might want to reconsider coming here at all. Poor convicts beware! Rich convicts are welcome!” the director said.

The New New Bilibid Prison is set to open during the summer season of 2012.


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