Undead Ferdinand Marcos Terrorizes Ilocos Norte

“This is probably one of the better reasons for not refrigerating a dead dictator for 22-years.”

(Laoag) The local Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) detachment in Laoag City released a brief statement confirming rumors that former President Ferdinand E. Marcos has been reanimated and is currently at large as a zombie in the city of Batac, Ilocos Norte.

Colonel Bernardo Asarin of the 4th Mechanized Infantry Battalion made the announcement but refused to take any questions from the local media.

“As of 0400 today, the City of Batac was placed under quarantine by elements of the 11th Infantry Division of the AFP. At this point we can confirm that undead are at large and that former president Marcos is among them.” Asarin told reporters.

All access to Batac City has been blocked by the AFP since early Friday. A few witnesses who managed to evacuate before the quarantine claimed that the Marcos Museum and Mausoleum was the source of the outbreak.

Meanwhile, experts in Manila have been unable to conclusively answer whether a zombie Ferdinand Marcos is more threatening than a living Ferdinand Marcos.

“There are good arguments for either side. The living Ferdinand Marcos could have you arrested, tortured and/or killed… but a zombie Ferdinand Marcos could eat you or infect you or both.” Professor Carlos de la Paz of the Philippine National State University of the Philippines said in an interview with DZXX.

The issue of the former president’s interment has long been a contentious issue in the country. The Marcoses have been adamant that the dictator be buried at the Libingan ng mga Bayani with military honors and have refused to bury him until they are allowed the privilege.

The former president’s body has remained unburied since his death in 1989 and has been kept in a refrigerated crypt at Batac since 1993.


3 thoughts on “Undead Ferdinand Marcos Terrorizes Ilocos Norte

    1. An interesting post from a guy’s POV. And like you, I agree that badly-kept feet shuold never be put on public display (unless at the beach or at the swimming pool), hence the reason I never wear sandals or flip flops in public as I think I have ugly feet.

    2. Well, I do apologise for, apparently, my “sanctimonious tone”! The BBC Search engine has been designed to be useful to people in a certain way, and without any limits on the number of searches that can be performed. If a person is using a search engine, they generally use for a specific task, and perform one query after another. An RSS news reader, however, would use the search engine in a different way: for example, you would likely subscribe to a few dozen search terms and the newsreader would refresh these one every ten minutes or so. There are two problems here. On the BBC-wide search and internet search, an external search engine company is used, and the BBC pay per search performed. Costs would spiral out of control if the search engine is used in this way, and you would get a lot less value for your license fee. On the BBC News search, we have limited search engine resources, and it’s often a real balancing act to keep this service quick and reliable. Imagine now that the number of searches performed per hour doubles or triples, which is not at all unlikely. Once again, we need to throw a great deal of resources at the search system and it detracts from other areas of the BBC. I do believe the BBC as a whole are interested in, and may develop, further resources via RSS and other syndication mechanisms. But I believe the BBC would like to be able to design systems in an appropriate and cost-effective manner.Personally the widespread use of the search engine in this “less than appropriate” manner is not a problem on a small scale, but could become a nightmare on a larger scale, which is why I specifically asked people not to advertise this service widely. I am filled with some level of panic at having to spend days or weeks keeping the news search system alive rather than doing something more useful. I hope that clarifies my position and you understand I am not expressing any kind of corporate opinion here, but a personal one based on not being called into work at 3 o’clock in the morning.

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