The Top 11 Most Dangerous Things in the Philippines Part I

With July being the halfway mark between last year and next year, the Maligno Sentinel proudly presents the Top 11 Most Dangerous Things in the Philippines (so far). Listed below are the most serious threats to the Philippines, some of which are quite scary so reader beware!

This week we cover threats ranked eleventh to sixth!

#11. Typhoons

One would think that the Philippines would be better prepared for typhoons knowing that these cyclones are quite common in the region. But a combination of an ill-equipped weather agency, an inefficient bureaucracy, and a reactive approach to weather has seen its students and employees braving rains with barely any warning almost every time.

#10. Dolphins

Everybody knows that dolphins are evil. It can only be a matter of time before these smiling, cute, “friendly” creatures turn on humanity and make us their surface-dwelling slaves.

Even more disturbing, rumors are that these evil creatures have allied themselves with the Chinese in laying claim to the Spratly Islands.

#09 Commonwealth Avenue

With over 2,500 accidents in 2010, 21 of which were fatal, Commonwealth Avenue has earned the name ‘Killer Highway.’ This year’s numbers are yet to come in but Commonwealth Avenue continues to live up to its name with buses racing down its 18-lane wide expanse, vehicles catching fire, as well as more than just a few muggings and other associated crime incidents.

#08 San Miguel Apple

As if it wasn’t bad enough that kids are drinking San Miguel Light instead of the almighty Pale Pilsen, San Miguel Apple is an abomination against all that is good and holy. Nuff said.

#07 Zombies

“The main problem is always awareness. And Filipinos don’t seem to be aware what zombies are or are capable of.” United Nations Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Programme Director Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester IV said in a recent interview regarding Manila’s zero rating in the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Standard.

True enough, most Filipinos are more than knowledgeable about your average malevolent supernatural creature–tikbalangs, aswangs, kapres you name it. But zombies do not seem to compute and we suspect albularyos will not be ready to combat the undead when z-day comes around.

#06 Optimus Prime

After announcing that he would in fact be starring in an indie adaptation of Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, Optimus Prime has become a major threat to the local entertainment industry. Even before filming of his local movie begins industry experts are already noticing that he is taller, more handsome, and a better actor than most male actors in the country.

(Tune in next week for the amazing conclusion of this Maligno Sentinel Special Report  with threats ranked #5 to #1.)

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