Satan Takes Offense to Mention of His Name During Senate Inquiry

“I’ve been called many things but I’ve never been called a Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. This Jimboy Estrada better watch what he says.”

(Hell) Lucifer the Light Bringer and Morning Star expressed his grievance early today against having his name brought into the recent scandal involving the questionable procurement of luxury vehicles to a few bishops by the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO).

During a senate inquiry last Wednesday Senator Jinggoy Estrada brought the devil’s name up when he posed the question to Butuan Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos on whether he would take money from the devil.

“For example, if the Devil or Satan appears in front of you and offers to give you money or a vehicle for that matter, would you accept it?” Estrada had asked Pueblos during the inquiry.

Pueblos is one of many bishops who find themselves having to explain how and why they received vehicles, some of which were luxury vehicles, from the PCSO during the Arroyo administration.

The Butuan bishop himself admitted to writing a letter to the former president to specifically ask for a brand new Mitsubishi Montero.

In his statement during a press conference the devil disclaimed any involvement in the PCSO mess and categorically denied offering either money or vehicles to “any humans, bishop or otherwise.”

“I think it’s unfair that my name keeps coming up in human affairs. I’ve been semi-retired since the fall of Rome. You pitiful bags of flesh have so much capacity for evil you don’t need my help.” the devil explained.

Even more insulting, according to Lucifer, was the notion that he was going around offering money or cars to random people and that the only penalty was that the items were from him.

“Am I so bad that the mere act of taking money from me is already a downside?! Usually you’d expect me to ask for something in return.” Lucifer said.

But the clincher for the devil was when Estrada implied that the bishops’ metaphorical “Satan” could be former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

“In this case, who is the Satan here? Is it the PCSO? President Arroyo?” Estrada inquired of Pueblos.

“I’ve been called many things but I’ve never been called a Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. This Jimboy Estrada better watch what he says.” Lucifer said to the members of the Hell Press Corps.

Asked whether he would bring legal action against Estrada the Morning Star only said: “No.”

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