“All this time we thought President Arroyo was corrupt but she was just looking out for our ghost citizens after all. She is a true hero.”
(Manila) Thousands of high school seniors found themselves needing to flee their designated University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT) testing centers as hundreds of ghost students came out of the woodwork to take the exam early Sunday.
“Natakot ako, yung isa walang ulo.” Maricar Lawengco, an examinee who missed her exam due to fright, said.
(“I was scared, one of them was headless.”)
The mass haunting came unexpected even as the UP admissions office had prepared for the largest number of examinees to ever take the entrance exam.
“We were prepared to administer the exam to living students; we are not equipped to give ghost exams to ghost students.” UP Admissions Deputy Director James Matibay said.
It was not until noon that the UP administration managed to establish a séance with the ghosts at the UP main campus in Diliman. Madam Antonio Antonov, a ghost whisperer and famous medium, communicated with the ghosts who then aired their grievances.
“We came out here today to tell PNOY that the ghost schools and ghost teachers he cited during his state of the nation address are not useless. We study in those schools.” Jan Malupod, a ghost student from ARMM, said.
President Aquino had cited irregularities in the disbursements of cash advances in ARMM during his recent state of the nation address which he said were used for “ghost bridges” and “ghost schools” taught by “ghost teachers.”
According to the president the abuses happened during the tenure of former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Meanwhile, the ghost students were quick to defend the former president.
“Buti pa si pangulong Arroyo, concerned sa kapakanan ng mga multong katulad namin.” Amiel Dugaw, another ghost student, said.
(“President Arroyo was better, she was concerned with the welfare of ghosts like us.”)
The former president has been under a lot of pressure recently for irregularities during her term and is facing numerous cases of plunder.
“All this time we thought President Arroyo was corrupt but she was just looking out for our ghost citizens after all. She is a true hero.” Sorsogon Representative Benedict Impal said.
“Now we can focus on releasing more funds to help these ghosts out.” the representative continued.