Monster Croc from Agusan Announces Bid for Congress Seat in 2013

“It claims it wants to win a seat in the House of Representatives because it wants to be with other crocodiles.”

(Agusan del Sur) The giant saltwater crocodile caught a few days ago in Agusan del Sur announced late Wednesday evening its intention to run for the province’s congressional seat in 2013.

The reptile, subsequently named “Lolong” by its captors, is believed to be the largest crocodile in captivity measuring an impressive 21 feet and weighing 2,370 pounds.

“It claims it wants to win a seat in the House of Representatives because it wants to be with other crocodiles.” Lolong’s spokesman and translator Benito Gambana said.

The Philippines’ House of Representatives has long been rumored to be the nest of a large number of crocodiles or “buwayas” as they are known in Filipino.

Meanwhile, Agusan del Sur Representative Franco Tamayo questioned Lolong’s eligibility in running for political office given that the crocodile is not human.

“We cannot allow a reptile to make a mockery of our laws. Everyone knows crocodiles can’t run for office.” Tamayo said.

Lolong’s camp insists that the crocodile is eligible for office as long as it manages to register as a voter and learns to read and write by 2013.

“Philippine citizenship does not specify species and as far as we’re concerned the only requirements to run for a congress seat are citizenship, age, literacy, residency and registration as a voter.” Gambana explained.

Scholars at the prestigious Philippine National State University of the Philippines’ (PNSUP) political science and modern dance department are divided on the issue.

“It’s true that our constitution and election laws do not discuss the subject of the eligibility of crocodiles in running for public office, but I think it’s understood that only humans can run.” Professor Melinda Reyes explained.

“The issue is very complicated. But it would be nice to see Lolong debate those other crocodiles we elected into office. And a tarsier congressman would be nice too.” Professor Patrick Dionisio said.

Lolong has since issued a challenge to its detractors to come visit it in its cage in Agusan del Sur for a debate.

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