Informant Reveals Secret DepEd-CHED Student Waterproofing Project “OPLAN AQUARIUS”

“Do students even get wet during typhoons? I challenge this informant to produce these alleged wet students and maybe then I’ll believe it.”

(Manila) A high-ranking official from the Commission on Higher Education (CHED) came out late Tuesday with documents revealing a classified project between CHED and the Department of Education (DepEd) that seeks to create “waterproof students” by repeatedly exposing them to torrential rains during typhoons.

OPLAN AQUARIUS, as the project is called, calls for deliberately delayed announcements for class suspensions so that “students are exposed twice; once heading to school, and then again coming home when classes are suspended midday.”

The anonymous source claims OPLAN AQUARIUS has been in play since 1977.

“AQUARIUS has been in effect since 1977 but we are yet to produce a single waterproof student. I’m beginning to think students can’t be made waterproof.” the informant said.

The documents also reveal that short of producing an actual waterproof student, AQUARIUS also seeks to “weed out genetically undesirable students until only the strong remain.”

Meanwhile, a second project “OPLAN PISCES” was also cited in the documents but contained very few details as it seems to be tied to an Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) attempt at “producing soldiers who can breathe underwater to protect the Philippines from naval threats.”

“The second project, PISCES, is meant to produce soldiers who can breathe underwater. The idea was to turn over students identified in AQUARIUS as ‘water proficient’ to the AFP so that they could transplant fish gills on the kids.” the informant explained.

“I don’t know if any students have been turned over.” the source continued.

The AFP has refused to give an interview regarding the subject of OPLAN AQUARIUS or OPLAN PISCES but released this statement in response to queries:

“The AFP denies the existence of fish soldiers adapted from water proficient students but if such fish soldiers did exist, they are heroes for protecting our territorial waters.”

Both the DepEd and CHED have also denied any involvement in the alleged projects.

“These supposed projects are works of pure fiction. Do students even get wet during typhoons? I challenge this informant to produce these alleged wet students and then I’ll believe it.”Β DepEd Undersecretary David Yagit said.
Related News:

DOST Study: Filipino Students Not Waterproof

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116 thoughts on “Informant Reveals Secret DepEd-CHED Student Waterproofing Project “OPLAN AQUARIUS”

  1. LOL… Kung totoo to napakaganda, parang CIA conspiracy, ibig sabihin may ginagawa ngang makahulugan gobyerno… pero malabo mangayari to, walang pakialam govenment sa mga ganyang bagay.

  2. (napunta dito dahil sa maypasokba.com)
    Ang cute naman nito. πŸ™‚
    Hindi pa inaannounce kung may pasok sa PUP o wala, tapos pagdating ng umaga saka lang nila isususpend pag nakapasok na.
    Sayang pamasahe ko taga-Cavite pa ho ako.

  3. Weed out the undesirable? Only the strong? F*** that. This is just inhumane. The hazards a storm bring is no joke. We, the students, can die because of this immensely stupid project. There are better ways to prove who the better students are. Forcing them to go to school while a typhoon rages outside is not one of those.

    They might think we’ll just get wet, what about when we’re actually heading towards our destination? Did they ever think of that? Accidents can happen anytime, sure, but when you factor in a typhoon and a wet road? That brings the percentage you’ll be caught in an accident quite high. No matter how safely you travel, there’s always one idiot on the road.

    There’s just no way a person can just suddenly grow gills and breathe underwater. People DROWN and DIE when you just up and leave them out in the water in just a mater of time.

    Even if this was a joke, those people from CHED, DEPED, and the college higher ups really need to think. Not just us students. We pay to learn. We don’t pay to get sick nor be in danger. If that was what we were paying for, I’d rather learn by myself.

    This makes me sick.

    1. Dude, get a grip. Haven’t you heard of the word “satire”? Basahin mo sa wikipedia kung hindi mo alam haha. Tama nga, you’re the “only” sane person here… hahaha

    2. Wala ka namang sense of humor. At tama lang yung mga ganitong klaseng articles para ma-filter out ang mga taong hindi mahusay mag-isip (o tanga).

  4. @CombatJanitor
    Yeah I don’t doubt you there
    Mapuans are waterproof from being drenched in their own tears after crying so much on how much of a failure they are for attending their school.

  5. I know this is supposed to be satirical pero being human means you’re already waterproof. Pretty sure when you pour water on yourself hindi ka malulusaw.

  6. this would be better if the fish gills transplanting thing is omitted.. there’s no way that Philippines has the means to actually even think of the idea..

  7. tsk tsk. there really are idiots who believe this? i turn my nose up and maniacally laugh at you. it’s obviously a joke. yet as i scroll down i see people who say “shit, totoo ba to?” and “F*** that, that’s bad!” and other crap.

    don’t read it if you don’t understand it boobs. If you’re easily offended, then f * * k off.

    side note, very hilarious.

  8. WALANG PERPEKTONG TAO .. D NAMAN KAMI WATERPROOF .. SIGNAL #2 TAPOS ELEMENTARY AT HIGH SCHOOL LANG ANG WALANG PASOK? BAKIT ANG COLLEGE BA? WATERPROOF? SUS PURO LANG CLA GANYAN ..

  9. The article is funny, but the comments section is even funnier!

    … Sometimes I get the feeling that these “idiots” who seem to not get this satirical article are simply trolls who wait for unsuspecting, serious people to take their bait. You’d think you’re better than them because you get it and they don’t, but they could also be laughing at you right now for being too serious and not recognizing sarcasm when it’s right in front of you.

    Oh, internet. XD

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  10. Actually, this is kind of cool 8D

    Para kahit maputik, hindi tatablahan ang mga ‘waterproof’ students. Then, maa-out of business ang umbrella and raincoat shops πŸ˜›

    Students + Fish gills FTW. Partida AFP pa maata-transplant ;D

  11. haha … wala nang tatalo sa students of PATTS .. yun tlga waterproof na.. since tinayo ang PATTS… tsk ts …kasi ,, Go SeaHorses nga daw kami … ahahay …… kahit Millenyo .. go .. pasok pa din ! >.<

  12. This is so f****ng stupid. Why bash government agencies? Why cant filipinos be good citizens? No wonder your country is being left behind by the rest of the world. Monkeys.

    1. lol. how did u even get here? go back to wherever your make believe perfect country is and kiss your government’s ass.

  13. andami namang mga tanga dito.. tsk nanghihinayang ako sa mga tuition na pinaghihirapan ng mga magulang nyo.. hays buhay nga naman.

  14. AHAHAHAHAHA! First time pa lang ma-mention yung “waterproof students” alam na eh. The article was already funny in itself but the comment section was EPIC! You guys made my day. ^___^

  15. hahaha ang tao dati ng waterproof… may balat tau diba… hindi nababasa ung mga lamang loob natin diba? eh logically a human is already waterproof πŸ˜€

  16. *slow clap*

    This pseudo-article is very amusing! But what I find more amusing are those who fell in it X) Kudos to the author for making such an awesome site.

  17. Waterproof nga ung mga studyante, basa naman ang gamit. o.o kung seryoso 2 dapat sooner or later napatalsik na lahat ng namamahala ng ched.

  18. I lol’ed during the AFP part.. mga Abu sayaf nga di nila kayang labanan kahit meron ng tulong na binibigay ang mga Kano. Tapos experiments na lagyan ng gills ang bata.? yeah right πŸ˜€

  19. ang daming nakakatawa dito!!! X))

    anywaaaaay,,,isang bagyo pa! haha! di ko pa tapos project ko! wala naman kasing kuryente eh! XD

  20. NICE!!! this is so EPIC!!:) FTW
    I like it when bored and imaginative people does this kind of things
    HELLO PEOPLE! there’s this thing called FREEDOM OFEXPRESSION
    therefore, WALA KAYONG PAKIALAM KUNG ANUMANG KA**RAN**DUH*N ANG IPOST NG MGA TAO
    SO JUST SHUT IT!!!
    yun lang:)
    & MABUHAY KAYO!!!

  21. NICE!!! this is so EPIC!!:) FTW. I like it when bored and imaginative people does this kind of things. HELLO PEOPLE! there’s this thing called FREEDOM OFEXPRESSION
    therefore, WALA KAYONG PAKIALAM KUNG ANUMANG KA**RAN**DUH*N ANG IPOST NG MGA TAO. SO JUST SHUT IT!!!. yun lang:). & MABUHAY KAYO!!!

  22. I couldn’t stop laughing after the first few sentences. This is just pure gold.

    Yun comment section naman, worth DIAMONDS. Di ako makapaniwala sa katangahan ng mga iba diyan, wahahahaha.

  23. parang totoo kasi they are using names (ched, deped) :))

    but reading the whole thing… WOW!
    1. ridiculous names OPLAN AQUARIUS etc :))
    2. they’re are looking for aquaman :)) sooo impossible
    3. EPIC COMMENTS πŸ˜€ Looooove it πŸ™‚

  24. HAHAHAHAHA KUNG MGA PROFESSIONAL NGA NABABASA, ESTUDYANTE PA KAYA. PAG NALIGO BA KAYO, HINDI KAYO NABABASA? SAN BANDA ANG WATERPROOF? HAHAHA ANSABE :))))))))

  25. HOMG! TOTOO ITO. sabi ng isang friend ng friend ng asawa ng friend ng 4th cousin ng kapatid ng classmate ko na nakakakilala sa kapatid ng pinsan ng manugang ng friend ng thesis partner ng informant na totoo daw ang lahat ng mga nakasaad dito!!!!!!!!! DAPAT MA-ALARM TAYONG LAHAT SA BALITANG ITO.

    :)))))))))

  26. IMPOSSIBLE…
    Wala nga tayong pondo pangdepensa sa Kalayaan Islands gagawa pa sila ng karumaldumal na kalokohan, i.e., waterproof college students?! It’s all hoolabaloo kaya…

  27. This is actually real. I saw the classified documents and there’s another one not mentioned in this article.

    That project is called Project Plankton. The project focuses on using plankers as weapons against China or any invading countries.

    Because of their(plankers) below average IQ, as the document mentioned, plankers are easy to produce and train. Just simply lying facedown in front of an incoming tank, bones of twenty or more crushed plankers can slow down the tank.

    The document also stated that by using plankers, the Philippine government won’t be wasting anything/anyone since plankers are useless anyway unless used as anti-tank weapons.

      1. ow…Sherry, sorry to hear your situation,you are so unuclky. I and an entrecard member too. I wish i won’t face this problem and wish you good luck too!Hope your problem will be solved as soon as possible.Have a nice day !

  28. Hi, good day po sa inyo, i would only like to ask kung applicable ba ang DepED EDUCATIONAL FACILITIES MANUAL as reference regarding a study about state university?

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