DOH: ‘Stupidity’ Main Cause of Firework-Related Injuries

‘Immense Stupidity’ only second biggest culprit.

(Manila) The Department of Health (DOH) reported early Monday that ‘stupidity’ was the main culprit behind 76 percent of firework-related injuries during the New Year celebrations.

Manufacturer faults and factory defects in fireworks were only responsible for 5 percent, while ‘Immense Stupidity’ made up the remaining 18 percent.

“Most injuries come from improper use of the firecrackers which we have lumped under the category labeled ‘stupidity’ because only an idiot handles firecrackers when he doesn’t know enough about them not to get injured.” DOH Assistant Secretary Roberto Lamay said.

The DOH also reported that more than a few dozen cases warranted a separate category designated as ‘immense stupidity’ such as ‘lighting firework fuses with cigarettes held in one’s mouth’ and ‘setting firecrackers off in enclosed or indoor venues.’

“The thing about firecrackers is that you shouldn’t be setting them off in your mouth, ears or any other bodily orifices… no matter how funny or cool that might seem.” The DOH assistant secretary explained.

A general problem regarding the firecrackers issue is that experts from the Department of Science and Technology (DOST) are discovering that a certain level of intelligence may be required for the proper and safe handling of such pyrotechnics. A discovery which is compounded by the fact that most idiots can neither tell nor admit that they are not smart enough to be handling firecrackers.

“It takes average intelligence to handle these petty explosives safely. The problem is that most idiots aren’t smart enough to know that they’re not smart enough to handle firecrackers. We are still investigating this phenomenon.” DOST Spokesman Donald Budoy said.

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