Martilyo Gang Steals Mjolnir, Hammer of Thor

(Manila) The infamous ‘Martilyo Gang’ that was involved in a series of jewelry store heists in Metro Manila has reportedly stolen the most powerful hammer of all: Mjolnir, the hammer of Thor.

The National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) confirmed the theft after the god of thunder himself filed a report at their main office in Manila. In response, the NBI has formed a task force to recover the mythical hammer before it can used by the criminal group for more robberies.

Ang gwapo niya,” [“He’s handsome”] task force head Arturo Bangcal said during an interview.

After a few minutes of talking about Thor’s good looks, Bangcal went into some detail about how the god of thunder was in good shape before sharing the details of the case.

“The god of thunder left his hammer unattended after landing at the Ninoy Aquino Inernational Airport Terminal 4 (special terminal for self-propelled individuals adjoining NAIA3). He thought he would only need to do number one, but apparently he needed to do number two so it took longer than anticipated,” Bangcal explained.

Closed-circuit television footage from the airport shows the god of thunder dumping his baggage on a bench at the arrivals area of the airport before hurrying off to find a comfort room. A large “Do not leave your possessions unattended” can be seen in the background of the footage.

“Yes, I saw the sign,” Thor explained, “but I didn’t think that it applied to Norse gods.”

Thousands of tourists, Filipinos among them, report stolen items after thinking that similar warnings don’t apply to them every year.

The same CCTV footage shows two men who have been positively identified as members of the Martilyo Gang taking Thor’s hammer. It is unknown how the local criminals managed to carry away a hammer that is known for an enchantment than prevents the unworthy from lifting it.

“Maybe one of them was worthy,” Bangcal surmised, “Or maybe it [Mjolnir] hated the last two Thor movies too.”

Thor is in the country to enjoy a few weeks away from Asgard; and to forget that his previous two movies were so terrible that his father, academy award winner and Allfather of the gods, Odin, has forbidden him from making any more.


Photo attribution for “Martilyo Gang Steals Mjolnir, Hammer of Thor”

Thor vs. Captain Marvel (277/365) by JD Hancock under CC BY /re-sized and cropped from original