(Manila) Amending an earlier statement that was released on his website last Tuesday, Senator Ferdinand ‘Bongbong’ Marcos conceded today that he attended neither Oxford nor Wharton but could not say so because he went to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
“To set the record straight, my educational record as posted in the Senate website and in my own personal website is ‘accurate’…” the senator’s latest statement read, “…if your definition of ‘accurate’ is ‘ambiguous falsehood shrouded in vagueness.’”
But the senator explained that the reason for the misleading information on both the senate site as well as his own site is that he “did not want to reveal his actual alma mater to ‘Muggles.’”
“I entered Hogwarts in 1975,” Marcos said in the new statement, “but you won’t find my name in the records because I was not sorted into any house. The sorting hat said that not even Slytherin would have me.”
The senator claimed that friends from Hogwarts could corroborate his new claim but explained that his two closest friends, Sirius Black and James Potter, are no longer alive to do so.
“They were fifth years in 1975 but I was so cool that they let me be part of their group,” Marcos continued, “I was the fifth Marauder.”
The senator also claimed that he tried to become an animagus like his friends at Hogwarts but only managed to partially turn himself into a wild boar.
“If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been partially in the shape of a wild boar since 1977.” Marcos said.